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oh my goodness, another blog post about my hair

Thank you to everyone who weighed in a about my proposed hairstyle change. I've been thinking in these past few days (are you ready for a deep thought?) that hairstyle is an identity issue. The intersection of how I see myself with how I present myself to society. As such there seems to be a lot at stake when the presentation changes. Will everyone accept me in the same way they did before? if not, is there an asymmetry between the person I think I am and the way my friends view me?

The answer seems to be Yes and No. The people I've told in person "Hey, I'm going to dread my hair" have all pretty much shrugged their shoulders and been like, "Yeah okay. I get that that's something you would do." Which makes me feel pretty good about the way I currently present myself. Which is to say, I feel like a crazy hippy in my mind, so it's nice that my friends see that. It's the friends on facebook that have been more like, "Wait, OMG what?"

Here's another banal deep thought coming your way. It's hard for me to reconcile my current sense of self with the person my facebook friends knew ten years ago. Of course, the Leah who goes to reunions is the same person: I certainly present the same combination of fake-outgoing anxious over-sharing bubbly exhaustion that I did in high school. That's just the way I talk. But from a values perspective there are few things I cared about ten years ago that I still care about now. (Of course how banal again. I had kids in that interim and that changes everything; I'm not saying anything that everyone else hasn't figured out, and yet and yet...)

The person that I was ten years ago, overanxious and striving and wicked concerned about my appearance, that person died (theology alert!) and was buried in the waters of baptism. Yes, I know the way I appear in this blog post is overanxious about my appearance, but, er, it feels different and I swear I'm a different person. And theologically speaking I can be both that person and a different person; we are resurrected both in the "now" and the "not yet."

Dot dot dot. I feel like I started to write this post with an air of "You guys don't get me" and now that I've written it I find the whole thing kind of bitchy.

Dot dot dot. I've left this post and come back and I've completely changed my mind. Of course I am the same person I was ten years ago, extremely anxious over how other people view me and whether they accept me. If not, why would I vomit so many words about whether people like or dislike a hairstyle that I haven't even gotten yet?

No. The Leah I was at 6 and at 16 (theology alert!) is the Leah that God created, the same Leah that lives today saying every stupid joke that comes into my head and being more exuberant than the social situation warrants and having my heart break into pieces every time I see a fuzzy animal. But. (one last theology alert and then I'm done.) The Leah at 16 did not live in freedom, and I do. On account of Jesus, yes. Primarily so. But also on account of pursuing a life of freedom. Living freely sometimes feels very easy (thank you Jesus) and sometimes very difficult (thank you facebook). But that's the struggle that we've set ourselves to, and I hope that's what my friends see in me when they look at me and see a crazy person.

Okay, enough on this already. Hair is going into dreads on Thursday. I'm not going to talk about it again until I have photos.


Oh, and the lady I took my dreadlock inspiration from? Please pay no attention to the fact that she's now becoming a polygamist.

Did I introduce you to her blog? i hope so, sort of. She's not becoming a polygamist is she? I took it more as in her husband has found a passion for building and wants to share that passion with an architect. Please say that's how you took it. Although, someone I know has referred repeatedly to the benefits of polygamy...

reread post. Maybe I was reading what I wanted to read, now it sounds more dodgy.

I haven't given my input about the dreads yet: you should move to Seattle! Then no one would look at you weird for having dreads :D cause everyone has dreads or a million tattoos or wears socks with their sandals or has spacers in their ears till it looks like their ear lobes are falling off...or all of the above!

I laugh at all comments! Yes Jo, you did introduce me to Sparkling Adventures, and so in a way the dread are all your idea. And I am eternally grateful. And yes, I think he's gonna start sleeping around. What I said to Dan was, "You let your children call you by your first name and before you know it your husband is banging other chicks. It's a slippery slope."

But whatever. for the record I defend polygamy, though I think it's a hard row to hoe. But that's a blog post for another day...

I'm crushed. I'm very traditional. oh well.

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