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christmas list

At my age it seems a bit declasse to make a Christmas list (please mentally insert the appropriate accents so it comes out day-classay... I don't know how to type in french or haughty WASP on this computer). Dan and I usually have a conversation with our parents that goes something like this: "What do you want? Money? You guys probably want money right?" To which we reply, "Well, um, yes, money is useful for things like paying bills. We'd like to pay our bills so yes, please give us money."

And then we get some lovely checks with which we pay our January real-estate tax and water-and-sewer and student loans and we generally feel pretty responsible, though not very festive.

Oh God, this is just about the whiniest blog post I've ever written. How can I go on when I start off with "Wah wah, people give us money and it's no fun!" What an ungrateful little brat I am.

I'd better start over.

The thing is I made a Christmas list, and I feel guilty about sharing it and angry about not sharing it.

I've been a little depressed lately over this idea that once I was a person but now I'm a mother. I used to run around the block for fun but now I walk around the block to put the baby to sleep. It's not very novel, the idea that with two young kids you don't get much time to yourself or time to sleep. It's just that I've been in some pain recently with the repetitive stress of caring for 50 pounds of very needy children, and it's making me rather cranky. And then I think of Christmas and how everything is about making it magical for the two little princes while I just wait around till the end of December to buy new shoes I needed at the beginning of October.

And then I think, but there's nothing I really want anyway. I want a nap and some time to do some sewing. I want to play with my children without worrying about getting hurt and without worrying that I should stop soon to do chores. I want to have some time when it's quiet. These things you can't put on a Christmas list because they're impossible.

Anyway, I have four things on a wish list and one of them is a humidifier. It feels stupid to bother with the html and even stupider not to ask someone to make my holiday with a $40 elephant that shoots steam out his trunk.


With two kids also, I totally understand. I hope we all find that Christmas spirit that makes this time of year magical. That's what I want for Christmas.

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