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Please be brief and poignant

church volunteer intake form:

"In 2-3 sentences please describe your journey with Jesus."


Totally off the hook. Like jumping out of a hot air balloon in space. He paid for the whole seat but I only need THE EDGE!


Ongoing... I guess? I got into this van a while ago and I don't know if it's still moving. He said there was candy in the back and yeah there was candy; I totally overloaded on candy. I think maybe someone else back here has some gum...


Taking a long ass time. Are we there yet? Did you bring any snacks? Juice? I want juuuuuuuuice! I have to go to the bathroom.

(I hope this doesn't sound too snarky, I just thought the question was beyond my capacity for earnestness. Perhaps I shouldn't be trusted to fill out paperwork after 8pm.. but that's the only time the paperwork doesn't get covered in crayon!)


I believe that "long-ass" is a compound adjective and actually needs a hyphen. Otherwise, I approve.

Unless she meant "a long time, in ass-years." Then it would be "long ass-time". But that could also be used if she meant "I had to sit for a long time while filling it out, and I'm not enjoying the long ass-time."

But either way, yeah. Testify. I hate filling out any forms of any kind, but the church ones are especially challenging. I suppose it feels logical or at least proper that they should have to include some sort of Jesus-based information on the form, sense it is for a church and all but as a safety filter its too easy to fake, and its otherwise meaningless in those 3 sentences. Have they ever rejected someone based on a lame Jesus comment?

My proposal: Who else who serves in the church already knows you? Are you new here? Go to a small group for 6 months, we'll call your group leader and find out if you're a total psycho or not. You can't do these things on paper.

And do the CORI form, that's the other important piece.

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