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Warning, there may be talk of Jesus

Just to let you know, you have been warned. If talk of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and not just some nice Jewish teacher who lived long ago makes you want to squirm and/or refuse attendance to our wedding, then read no further. There may be talk of Jesus in this entry.

Last night Dan and Judy and I attending a tester-outer meeting at Judy's church for a series of discussions called the Alpha course. The alpha course bills itself as "A Practical Introduction to the Christian Faith." Judy mentioned it to me because she thought that i, as a former Jewess and now a practicing church-goer, could benefit from a practical introduction to the Christian faith. I thought it might be a fun thing for the three of us (Dan being dragged only with the promise of free dinner) to do together, because you know what they say about families who pray together, and also i have absolutely no hobbies other than working out and working out. Also, i'm always intrigued when Judy talks about her church, because it's so different from ours. While we attend a small Episcopal community church filled with people who are very nice and tight-lipped about their spiritual experiences, Judy attends an enormous Evangelical church where they're always talking about Witnessing all the time, telling everybody you know about Jesus and how great he is and how he wicked wants to enter into your heart and forgive your sins. You can see why this church is run by Southerners because Boston folk are not too big on the talking-about-God thing, especially when it's in PUBLIC to PEOPLE WE DON'T KNOW!!!!!

So we went to the Alpha Alpha meeting at the big Evangelical church run by Southerners, and we ate food, and we made small talk, and we watched a video, and we learned several thing about God and about ourselves:
1) Sitting in a chair for longer than 2 hours hurts your back and brings back painfull memories of the LANDMARK FORUM.
2) If you already go to church every Sunday, you are not in need of A Practical Introduction to the Christian Faith.
3) Free food from costco is not superior to food that is not from costco but you have to pay for.
4) Southern Ministerial types are very friendly and outgoing in a way that is simultaniously comforting and inexplicably un-nerving
5) Jesus said I am the Way and the Light (already knew)
6) Christianity is not Lame (already knew, but if you have to say it in a video using 1990s clip art, i may be persuaded to change my mind.)

Yeah, the small talk and video and gross food and Southern witnesses were a bit of a turn-off, and to tell the truth we weren't expecting otherwise.

Actually, i'm going to tell you a secret, but only if you promise not to tell God: in my secret heart of hearts i wanted to go to the Alpha course to find out if there was a secret way to get Jesus. I mean, everyone says Have you invited Christ into your heart?and i say, I've invited him but He ain't comin. If you believe in him, it should be so easy and he should come into your heart and fill you with love and tell you whether or not you should go to grad school. So, like, where's the hold-up?

If i did get any insight at the Alpha dinner last night it was that if there is any sticking point between me and Jesus, it's me, in that i have no desire whatsoever to stop being wicked. I mean, i want Jesus in my heart and all, but not if it means stopping making fun of people who are fat and wear sweatshirts with pictures of cats on them. There are certain vices that are just part of who i am!

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