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Oh no she di'int

Yesterday afternoon Dan and i set out in the hazy heat to give poor Rascal a good long sniffing expidition. We made a loop up the street and back through a street of set-back farm-like houses, which really make you feel like you're in the middle of the country only six minutes from Starbucks. Anyway, as we were walking and chatting, we allowed Rascal to plunge his nose into many bushes and piles of leaves by the sidewalk. We were unaware that this type of behavior is included in Homeland Security's new definition of domestic terrorism. Good thing some old bitch pointed it out to us!

We were walking past a house where Rascal had stopped to smell a bush. The door of the house opened, and an old woman holding a phone to year ear yelled from about 50 ft away:
"Could you move along please?"

Imagine the most condescending, screeching in the back of your throat, bossy tone. Now multiply that by a thousand decibals and that's what she sounded like.

"I beg your pardon?" Dan said in amazement.

"I'd rather your dog not USE my bushes."

"It's okay," Dan said kindly, "You can settle down."

Later that evening, Dan and i discusses, perplexed, how anyone could be so absolutely filled with bile that hate for nice people and nice animals makes them scream at people who WEREN'T EVEN ON HER PROPERTY. I guess it's not her fault that she's suck a dried up bitter old c---, we reasoned. (OMG, can you guess what word we were using to 'dis' her? You didn't think we talked so dirty!) Seriously, what the f--- is the problem, old people? If you're so unhappy with the world, why don't you just die already?

Dan gets more angry than i do at people who display ridiculously a--h---ish behavior. This is because he believes that all people are inhearantly good, whereas i believe all people are inhearantly irritating and it's on rare occasions that you meet someone who wouldn't step on your face to get to a cheaper iPod first. Still, when someone displays so much garrish outright rudeness, not a small part of me envisions leaving a steaming pile of dog s--- on their front steps.

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