Everything contains swear words... stop reading this blog.
As you can probobly tell from these few past postings, this week has been really hard on the Squibix family. I started school, and while i suddenly realized that getting a higher higher education would be really really hard, Dan realized that leah never being around nomore to do helpful things like keep the dog from tearing up the downstairs would also be really hard. I have also been exhaused with the going-out-of-business sale, which can be superlatived as nothing but a complete fucking nightmare, and Dan has been exhausted working on his design contracts, doing whatever the heck vestry does, and taking care of the wild animal in our house, the one who eats bras not wears them.
Throughout this hectic process, there has been few supportive friends (HI OONA!) and many unsupportive knife-drives (you know, the ones who think it's wicked helpful to drive the knife in deeper). Knife-drivers include everybody who asks me on a daily basis if i've given any though to what i'm going to do with my life after the store closes. "You know, it's funny guys, but i haven't really given it any thought at all! What do i do every night when i can't sleep due to utter panic and stay up all night staring at the ceiling wondering how on earth i am going to make it though the next six months? i dunno, hum pop songs, mostly." I am baffled by the rudeness, not just of people i know, but every single Goddamn customer who comes into the store and asks, "But what are you going to do???" That's like asking a prisoner getting Chinese water torture "Have you given any thought to what you're going to do when i stop dripping this maddening water onto your head?"
Excuse me if i start telling people to go fuck themselves.
The truth is, i have worked at 110% since the day i started first grade. I graduated Magnu Cum Laude with a 3.94 GPA, drove directly into a full-time over-time job where i worked my ass off to get two promotions, only to move again and open this store.... Never have i felt like i got a break, never have i felt like i had a time to take a step back and say, "Is this the way in which i want to be miserable for the rest of my life?" Now that the store will close and i'll finally have an opportunity to sleep eight hours a few nights in a row, I feel like it is my God-given RIGHT to take a moment for reflection about just what it is i WANT to do with my time and brilliance. Not what my mother wants me to do. Not what my father wants me to do. I've done that for twenty odd years, Goddamnit, and they'll never be satisfied with me. I fucking give up on trying to please them.
This means, kind people who feign giving a fuck about my career in a sick ploy to make them feel more secure about their own, that i may take a month off from working, maybe two, maybe go to school full time, or maybe get a new job full time. I don't know yet, and I don't feel it is appropriate to know yet. This is my story, and i'm sticking to it. I'm sorry if that bothers you because YOU'RE whole life is already planned out to make you miserable all the time but I HAVE BEEN MISERABLE IN MY JOB EVERY DAY SINCE I WAS IN SCHOOL WHERE I WAS MISERABLE. I realize now that trying to please the entire world will never give the world a hardon, so i'm just going to give up right now.