All that I need to know about motherhood I learned from the dog

Though I may be a bit apprehensive about the upcoming birthing process, I'm mostly pretty excited about becoming a mom to a real live human. You see, I've already been a mom for several years now - to a feisty puppy Rascal. And so, I feel entirely prepared for the role of parenthood on that basis. Don't get smug; I know there's some more intense schedule-shifting involved with the human variety of child, but motherhood is motherhood whether it comes to babies or puppies. To prove my point, here are a few lessons I've learned from Rascal about being a mom:

Lesson 1: Mommy love is very intense.
Because a mommy is in charge of the well-being of her babies (puppy and human), the love she has for them is like adult love but more crazy. This gives puppies and babies the ability to hurt your feelings very deeply, unlike husbands with whom you can share rational language. They can also fix your feelings when they're broken. The love you have for them is just that powerful, even if they're big jerks.

Lesson 2: Loving people is scary.
The people you love might die some day. This is a bummer. This can make mommies crazy sometimes. But there's nothing to do about it either, and when you try to do something about it, you make EVERYONE ELSE around you crazy. So suck it up.

Lesson 3: Life as a mommy is boring and awesome.
The puppy gets three walks a day, two meals, sometimes a playing outside, and lots of cuddles in the evening. Every day you wake up is a day to be filled with walks and cuddles. This is not the stuff of novels. But it's a really nice life. Similarly, life with a baby will be mundane. It will need feedings and poopings and mostly just that on repeat for a while. Somehow, like three walks in the same woods, this will be somewhat fun.

So in conclusion, to all those people who feel the need to warm me about sagging breasts and persistent fatness and sleep deprivation (and by the way, to I go around telling them that since they're old they're likely to only get less attractive over time?) To all these bitches I say, Bring it on. If I hadn't wanted the entire kit-and-caboodle of motherhood, I wouldn't have gotten off the pill and had all that sex when my cervical fluid was fertile. I know what motherhood is all about, and I like it just fine.


TVMA (Doorbell)

You know how TV shows have to have a warning for sex, language, or violence? I wish they would also show a warning if there's going to be a doorbell sound at any point in the show. Because Rascal heard that noise seven minutes ago and he's STILL BARKING...