I know why the caged bird gets free at Spring time and then immedietly flies into a window.
Over the past two days the air has been warmer and the snow has started to melt, like spring is poking its little head out of its hole, if skittishly at first. Feeling a bit of warm sun on my face is starting to remind me that i actually do have a soul; For the past three months i have been a dark shell of a human being responding only to immediate impulses of cold and hunger and getting-pissed-off-at-people-in-my-yoga-class-who-freakin-moan-during-every-posture.
Now i feel like i'm awakening from my deadness to experience more of a range of human emotions.
And i don't think that's a good thing.
Last night i picked a fight with Dan and slammed open every window in the house. ("We are going to die from gas poisening and you aren't doing a Damn thing about it!!!") The reason i got so mad? That jerk managed to stay sick for five days! Can you believe the nerve of some people? Being Sick?? When i need attention and cuddles and someone to make me lunch in the morning?!!???
So yeah, it was a wicked stupid fight. But i still managed to get so pissed off that i couldn't sleep, and i had to stay awake looking at bridesmaid dresses on the internet and watching the Ashlee Simpson show. When i finally came to bed at midnight, i made Dan wake up and talk to me for 20 minutes, because mostly i was upset that since he's been sick near-dying all week, i've been super stressed out and with no one to talk to. And the poor thing, my sick dying fast asleep baby, actually woke up and talked to me at zero o'clock in the morning: Congratulations you got a raise... Don't worry, moving won't be that stressfull... that sort of thing.
So, i guess i won in the end. Ha Ha. If you don't talk to me during the week, you're going to have to talk to me at midnight on wednesday when we have to wake up at 6am. [editors note: this is sarcasm. You have to read it with a wicked sarcastic and immature voice.]
Amazingly enough, upon waking up this morning Dan said that he doesn't hate me, he still loves me, and he doesn't want to call off the wedding. Which is a relief, in some ways.
And then in some ways it's not.