I found a passage in the bible describing the birth of my second child:
"Before she goes into labor,
she gives birth;
before the pains come upon her,
she delivers a son.
Who has ever heard of such a thing?
Who has ever seen such things?
See? Even the bible thinks that was f-ed up.
Also, in a related note, I finally made it to the end of Isaiah in my read-the-entire-bible-in-a-year discipline. The books only get shorter and easier to read from here on in! Hurray!
Some other favorite bits from my recent reading:
"You were sold for nothing,
and without money you will be redeemed."
But my favorite bible bit you'll never hear in church is this cute story from 2 Kings 6:
The company of the prophets said to Elisha, "Look, the place where we meet with you is too small for us. Let us go to the Jordan, where each of us can get a pole; and let us build a place there for us to meet."
And he said, "Go."
Then one of them said, "Won't you please come with your servants?"
"I will," Elisha replied. And he went with them.
They went to the Jordan and began to cut down trees. As one of them was cutting down a tree, the iron axhead fell into the water. "Oh no, my lord!" he cried out. "It was borrowed!"
The man of God asked, "Where did it fall?" When he showed him the place, Elisha cut a stick and threw it there, and made the iron float. "Lift it out," he said. Then the man reached out his hand and took it.
Best. bible. story. ever. I can just see that dude with his fists in the air all like "Noooooo! I totally borrowed that axhead! F—-"
I know, really deep, right? I didn't say I planned to understand the entire bible in a year. Just read the thing.