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mourning with those who mourn

Neil's mom somehow stumbled across the remembrance I posted the other day and THANK GOD she was not offended. She writes:

Since I always joked that Neil's life was about sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll, nothing in your blog entry was hurtful to us.

Neil would really have appreciated the irony of getting through those two months and then being run down just a few blocks from his home in Brooklyn. As a mom, I was so relieved when Neil returned safely from Thailand. As you write, what the fuck.

I have this fantasy about Neil's last moments - that he looked squarely at death and felt no regrets. The hard-edged curious mystic that he was, I imagine Neil stared death down in his last slit second and said "Okay man - Let's fuckin do this."

But his mother. Good Lord, His mother.

On Wednesday night Harvey got a fever - the highest fever he's ever gotten so far. He woke up around midnight screaming. SCREAMING. His little body was so piping hot that we immediately gave him tylenol and started sponging his head. After a few minutes he calmed down and felt cooler. We took his temperature and it was 103.3 Holy shit - if it was that high after we brought it down what must it have been before? Dan and I took turns holding him and working the cold compress. He laid in my arms and just moaned. My baby. My poor little baby boy. During the day he's bouncing and playing and getting his chubby arms dirty - but when he's sick in the night, my poor little thing, he's just so small and weak and fragile.

For Neil's mom the worst thing in the world has happened. It doesn't matter that her child is 27 years older than mine. My heart is broken over the loss of a friend but for her loss it's broken open double.

Neil's mom very kindly shared details about the funeral service. It will be next Sunday at 2 p.m. at the Douglass Funeral Home in Lexington Center.

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