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eating saltines for fun and someone's profit

Folks have asked me recently whether we're trying for another baby, and I guess that yes, we're trying a little bit, if your definition of trying involves having sex x number of times where x > 0.

Look, we took a loooong break. I know there are women who get right back to it 6 weeks after delivering, and I have no way to explain the anomaly, other than to say that those women are porn stars. Porn stars who probably like it up the butt. Normal people don't have sex after the birth of their child. They direct all their caring nurturing energy to their precious perfect baby, and once a month dole out a stray HJ with the same gusto as cleaning around the toilet. Until it's time to think about another perfect precious baby, when they'll entertain a consort briefly, only on the 14th of the month, and only as if they're sitting through some sort of unpleasant medical procedure.

So yeah. We just started trying, but with a laziness that prioritizes many things in front of child-bearing, like folding laundry and sleeping and reading crap on the internet.

So that's the context in which I woke up yesterday feeling like crap. I was tired and nausious and didn't want to eat, but then after I ate I felt better. Also crampy. And over-emotional. Either I'm pregnant, or I have PMS plus the flu.

The soonest that a pregnancy test might tell me that my nausea will persist until fall is Sunday, three days away, although a false negative could persist on a test until the following weekend. It's a tricky business, because you want to start swallowing horse-sized vitamins as soon as possible, but those tests are like gold-laden pee sticks how expensive they are. I went to pick up a package at Stop and Shop this morning, and in addition to being smacked with sticker shock (THIRTEEN DOLLARS FOR TWO???) I was surprised to find the First-Responce box encased in a larger plastic cube, like an antique display Barbie. The cashier removed it at the check-out and I said to her "That's the most well protected pregnancy test I've ever seen!"

"We see more people steal pregnancy tests than anything else. You know what, I think they're embarassed. They don't want to run into their mom in the check-out line behind them."

"And they're really expensive!" I added.

"The second most stolen item is Preperation H. That only costs 2.50, but when you put that on the belt we all nod and say 'We know...'"

I hear that there's a cheaper way to tell if you're pregnant, something that involves waiting a week and a half to see if you get your period. But where's the market stimulus in that?


LOL - you're on fire today, Leah! And yes, those pregnancy tests are ridiculously expensive! I mean, we're over-paying for something we pee on!!!!! And something that's not always accurate, either! It's a racket.

With that said, I'm looking forward to the expensive, magic stick's answer :)

makes me think of my favorite pregnancy test commercial ever:

"The most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever pee on" - hahahahah! Love a company with a sense of humor :)

Not a bad idea to start taking those horse sized vitamins now. But if you don't like those you can do a liquid prenatal vitamin. I found one by Source of Life that is YUMMY!

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