spinning and spinning
This past week I've started to feel the baby move around. It started off real slowly, like, "Psst, there might be a baby in here" and now it's all "HEY! YOU UP THERE! I'M TALKIN TO YOU!" Which is exciting in some ways, and in more ways nerve-wracking.
My current freak-out is my what-if-it's-a-girl internal monologue. What if it IS a girl? Will I be able to love it as much as I do my perfect little boy? How will we possibly afford an entirely new female wardrobe? I can sew a lot of dresses, sure, but there are shoes and ruffled onesies to consider, and I'm only one person with two babies to care for and not a lot of crafting time. Also, those little flowered headbands demand a glue gun, something I dare not plug in while children are awake. But if they're asleep, how will I judge the right length of elastic? Those headbands will be the death of me, I know it. I'm just not ready. Please Lord let this child be a boy.
But if I think this sort of thing, and then if it is a girl, then she must know in utero that I hate or fear her, and so even entertaining the thought makes me a terrible mother. A terrible mother before the child is even born. Which is supposed to be the easiest part, because I don't even have to DO anything special, other than stay away from tuna and wake up at 1 in the morning to eat a muffin. Compared to waking up at 1 in the morning to change a poopy infant that screams like a howling cat, and then doing it again at 3 and 5, I'll take the muffin.
Oh man, I'm tired. I wanted to write a post today about how awesome Harvey is because he now loves dancing, and yesterday whenever I asked him if he wanted to sing the itsy bitsy spider or when you're happy and you know it all he said was "No. Pokey?" And when he said it he put his two fingers in the air ready to turn himself about. So we did the hokey pokey and I am so in love with that kid it's crazy.
That's what it's all about, yo.
comments
Moving baby! Yay!
Reading your post got me worried: wait, I was supposed to wake up and eat a muffin? No wonder Mr Noah is ___ ...
I'm still at the stage when my first reaction to a second baby is along the lines of uhhh then what do I do with the first one??? And I don't know how to sew. And I've been getting rid of clothes. sigh.