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Only 96 calories in Miller Lite!

In an effort to infuse meaning into my life, i am again dieting.

I happen to not be embarassed of this fact. I have dieted for long periods ever since i was twelve years old, and i happen to think the activity is one of the more exciting things life has to offer. Counting calories and grams of carbs, i've always found this simply fun. It's like running the numbers on gambling, except it's not your paycheck that's on the line, but your ass that's crossed over it, haha.

In the past few years, however, dieting has unexplicably become uncool. Instead, it is trendy to have "dietary restrictions." Oh, i can't eat that, it has gluten. I'm alergic to dairy. I can't have peanuts. My scillia will soooooo freak out over that cookie. You martyrs, you take up your cross so modestly.

I believe these trendy "health" nuts are secret dieters in disguise. Everything is "not a diet, but a lifestyle" "for health" "for the planet". When did people start lying about the fact they want to lose weight? Yeah, you know i'm talking to you, vegan fatty. You never liked animals that much, anyway.

No, dieting is suddenly uncool, unless you're a middle-aged woman for whom weightwatchers serves as kind of menopause play-group. The other day at a party i said to someone "I don't think i can eat that cake." And she was like, "Why, are you gluten intolerant?" And i was like, "No, i'm just fat!" Then she got all huffy and embarassed. You're not supposed to restrain yourself, you see. You should naturally eat only broccoli and sprout smoothies because "your body feels so much cleaner. You have so much more energy." Bullshit hippies, your stomach developed a double chin and you're trying to keep your husband from divorcing you. BE HONEST!

So now i am dieting and proud. It took a lot of work putting on fifteen pounds after my wedding, so hopefully it will not be so much work taking it off. I'm really getting to enjoy Pilates. And Cardio Kickboxing. And living with a purpose.

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