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not morning sickness, all-day sickness

Last Sunday at church i felt awful. I felt too nauseous to eat anything for breakfast, and when stood up in church i got a head rush, felt faint, and had to sit down. A woman in the row behind me asked if everything was okay, and i said, "Yes, i'm fine, i just got a little nauseous."
She replied, "Oh, you're pregnant!"
By the time the service was over the rumor had spread. "Congratulations!" said anouther woman as i walked out the door.
"Oh, i'm not pregnant." I said.
"You're pregnant???!!!" asked anouther woman.
"No, i'm not pregnant. I just got a little faint." i said.
"Are you sure you're not pregnant?"

So persistant were these interlopers that i had to purchase a pregnancy test on the way home from church.
"I'd better be pregnant," I said to Dan as i walked in the door, "Because i had to go to two stores to find this thing, and it cost me eleven bucks!"

Turns out, i'm not pregnant. I was, however, coming down with the flu which has had me bed-ridden for almost a week. On monday i woke up realizing i had a high fever and felt completely awful. "At least all this faint-ness has a cause," i thought, "The next option was cancer!"

The next time i feel like i might be pregnant, i'm going to head right over to my doctor and get some antiretroviral drugs. The percent chance of my birth-control failing, multiplied by the percent chance of Dan and I having sex, multiplied by the percent chance that the day we had sex and the birth-control failed i was actually fertile, equals a high probability that it's just the flu.

Sorry church ladies.

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