doing nothing and nothing doing
I wanted to write a little update to my "accomplish nothing" project that I announced last week. Since I gave up knitting to pay attention to the boys things have gone a lot smoother during the day. I'm less harsh with Harvey when I can already sense what he needs. I can sense what he needs when I'm looking at what he's doing instead of looking at my stitches. I'm not going to lie: legos are boring after fifteen minutes. But I'd rather be bored than be focused at what I'm trying to accomplish and frustrated that I'm not accomplishing more because the kids are interrupting. Bored at least is a laid-back emotion.
I do want to finish that sweater one day, though. Maybe after a few weeks I could take it up just in the evenings.
The scheme isn't perfect. This morning after I finally bundled the kids into the car I went inside to get their juice cups and stopped to scream into a pillow. Zion wouldn't let himself be put down all morning, which makes getting out of the house (or eating or going to the bathroom) rather difficult. Plus we were both testy on account of waking up every hour in the night. A lot of these relational issues could be easily solved with more sleep, but I feel like that's rather out of my control, so I soldier ahead with various forms of emotional management. Today we watched a movie together.
Frustration with a non-sleeping baby notwithstanding, life with Harvey seems to have improved. Twice last week he asked for me to sing him a song before bed. Usually he's so through with me by the end of the day that he only wants dada. Also he's started saying, "You're a good mama" when I help him with a lego or hand him a cup of juice. Which, you know, is rewarding.
I don't think the answer to all parenting problems is "don't have your own life." But for a little retreat, it seems to be working out. I have a lot of work in my life, but they are my life's work.