posts tagged with 'parenting'
board games new and old
We played a lot of board games this past weekend. Or a lot of hours of board games at least; many of those hours were occupied playing Root, which I gave Harvey for Christmas. I've heard it described as "Risk meets Redwall", which means that we get to play as cute forest creatures—cats and birds and bunnies—battling for control of the forest. The real draw of the game, though, is that each faction has different goals and even game mechanics, so when you learn to play one it's still like figuring out a whole new game to pick up another one. Lots of replay value there! And if we ever get bored of the base game, there are (of course) expansions to buy, that add yet more factions. We're sorely tempted already, but at the moment the budget does not allow.
Of course, with new games coming in our game shelf gets more and more crowded, and a few days ago I took some time to neaten it up a bit and pull out all the games I don't see anyone playing anytime soon. It was mostly the little kid games that didn't make the cut, and I was sad to see them go. How much fun we had playing Snail's Pace Race, and Pengoloo, and the Ravensberger 4 First Games! You can bet that I didn't get rid of them; they're safe down in the basement in case we ever want a little shot of nostalgia. Just like with the adventures, sometimes I miss those simpler days of hanging out with small people. Of course, if they were still small who would play Root with me?! These days are pretty good too. Especially since on Saturday, after ten or twelve games since Christmas, I finally won for the first time!
getting moving
our walk today
This morning we took a walk by the airport, where we haven't been for months because it gets so wet. It's still wet, but somehow it seems a little easier to deal with when it's winter. The mud was challenging at times, but there were lots of dry spots and it was wonderful to see the boys getting to run and play. One of the hardest parts about homeschooling is that they don't get a recess to play tag or whatever with a bunch of other energetic kids; their tired old dad isn't nearly as much fun. So we like to get together with other families with the hope that the kids can encourage each other. Sometimes that works! Today though, they didn't even need it. They were running right out of the car, being pets along with the dogs, and then when we reached the field where the high grass was irresistible they spent half an hour as tigers and hunters. Then the last part of the walk they slowed down and got back to talking about Minecraft, but that's fine too. It's still fresh air!
outings with pre-teens
It's interesting being a parent. As soon as you think you're starting to have things figured out, they change. Not that I in any way feel like I've got anything figured out! But this past Saturday I did have notice how much the experience of going on outings has changed with big kids, as I got the boys—well, some of them—out the door for a bike ride to the Old North Bridge.
can you see them up there with their bikes?
On the one hand, they're all much more capable than they used to be. It's a little under five miles along the unpaved bike path to get out to the river, a distance that used to feel like a major expedition. Saturday we took it at a pretty relaxed pace and made some stops to see the sights—especially the bird sanctuary tower again—and we still did the whole trail in well under an hour. That surprised both boys, who remembered it as being much more arduous.
Wait, "both boys"?! Yes, there were only two. Zion declined to join us, which points to the other difference: going out and doing things doesn't have the appeal it used to. It's easy to get preschoolers psyched up for an adventure—they trust you that it'll be fun, and they don't have the competing pull of preteen activities like sitting on the couch reading books or playing Minecraft.
Oh well, hopefully we had a fun enough time that he'll feel better about coming along on future outings! Certainly it seemed plenty fun to me. We floated bark boats in the river, which is flowing much higher and faster than is typical for fall; Elijah and I rode some stairs; and we enjoyed an early snacky lunch (slanch) at a table on the pavilion above the river. Then, best of all, we explored and played hide-and-seek among the crazy overgrown ornamental trees that cover the bank below the visitor center house.
lunch pavilion
just one example of the fascinating vegetation
Then we zipped home in plenty of time for Harvey to play Minecraft with his friends. See, it's possible to adventure AND be a preteen!
Mama's home!
Leah came home from her convalescence at her parents' house this afternoon. We were all very glad to see her—the dogs most visibly. We kept them outside until she got herself established on the couch. I appreciated her the most at bedtime, when Elijah was yelling and throwing things and I didn't have to be the one to deal with him (or to be a bad parent by ignoring him and probably leaving the house, like I would have done had it happened the night before). And that wasn't the first time this evening that I tapped out, either! At the end of supper I wandered off, not because the kids were doing anything particularly bad, but just because they're so dang loud! I do love them, and often I enjoy being with them, but it's nice to get a break every little while. So welcome home, Mama! And single parents: props to you.
little signs of growing up
Last night I would have loved to have have gone to bed at 7:30—I was in bed, in fact, just finishing up reading to the boys. But I couldn't, because there were still things going on in my household. In school terms Harvey is a sixth grader now; that doesn't mean much for most things, but on Sunday he does go to Kids Church. Yesterday was his last day as a member of Elementary Kids Church, and while he won't be officially starting Youth Group until September all the sixth graders were invited to join the gathering yesterday evening for some get-to-know-you games... beginning at 8:00. Before too long, I'm sure that when Harvey chooses to stay up I don't need to play any part in his late-night plans. But for now he still appreciates having someone available to put him to bed. So I stayed up. At least I didn't have to drive him anywhere!
Elijah also showed signs of surprising maturity yesterday, at least in one small area. Apropos of nothing he told me, "sixty plus sixty is one hundred twenty," and then asked what 120 + 120 would be.
"Well," I said, "What's a hundred plus a hundred?"
"Oh," he said. "It's... two hundred and forty. And two hundred and forty plus two hundred and forty is four hundred and eighty. Four hundred and eighty plus four hundred and eighty is eight hundred and... no, it's nine hundred something."
Well! I'd included a lot about place value and adding tens and ones in my plans for his math work this school year, but I guess we won't need to work too hard on that! I can tell you that we didn't do anything more than add one-digit number last year, and not too much of that (I did work to build the foundation for understanding place value... but I didn't know how well he was listening). We'll just add it to the folder labeled "unschooling works." And maybe think about introducing some algebra this fall?
work ethics
We're reading Farmer Boy at bedtime these days. I love that book. We're almost through; this evening we read the chapter called "Threshing", in which Almanzo and his father spend a snowy late fall day threshing wheat on the barn floor. As they get started Almanzo asks why they don't bring the wheat to the new threshing machine in town, and his Father tells him it's because all it saves is time: it wastes wheat, and it damages the straw so it's no good to feed the animals. And he doesn't see any purpose to saving time. After all, he tells Almanzo, they won't have anything else to do on stormy winter evenings; would Almanzo rather just sit around twiddling his thumbs? No, thinks Almanzo, he has enough of that on Sundays.
I'm aware of the perils of trying to raise children according to the Little House series. I think they're perils common to many in my circle of friends. But when the boys start the day with an hour of Minecraft, then enjoy a leisurely breakfast followed by an indeterminate amount of time reading at the table before they do their dishes, I start to wonder if I'm doing something wrong. At that just takes us up to 8:00! I wonder if Almanzo would have enjoyed the idea of leisure time more if he had had an iPad?
Of course, I can also look at myself—I acknowledge my own difficulties, historical and current, with sustained effort. And I count blogging here as work! But I have a long list of things I'd like to accomplish, which gives me a chance to try and model a proper work ethic. It might be working: today Harvey made breakfast—waffles!—and offered to pick up the slack of Zion's work before supper when Zion was absent. Of course, he's the one child who's not listening to Farmer Boy. I wonder what that means...
culture of scarcity
It's been rainy the last couple days and we're coming up on the end of three solid weeks of relative isolation, and there have been few moments of testiness. Like yesterday, when Zion and Elijah were playing at trading imaginary Minecraft items. Lijah was trying to get some tridents from Zion, who kept raising the price beyond Lijah's offers of uncountable stacks of emeralds. Eventually Lijah got mad and started yelling, and Zion protested huffily that he was just trying to do a fair trade. I was pretty unhappy, and told them so—with Lijah for going into a violent rage instead of walking away, and with Zion for provoking him. "I don't know how we're going to get along as a household," I told him, "if you can't even be generous with imaginary things that don't even exist!" It's safe to say that we're all feeling some stress.
Of course, there are also many lovely moments. Prior to that unpleasant exchange—which happened right around dinner time—the boys had been playing super well together. Their game with their stuffed animals was so harmonious that I silently cancelled some scheduled home education stuff to let it continue, and then I lost track of time and failed to tell them to get on Zoom for their daily group read-aloud (they made it a couple minutes late, when Leah noticed the time and alerted us). So we'll survive. But we do need to keep working at it.
executive function
Leah was away last week from Wednesday morning to Sunday night, visiting exotic Oklahoma and Florida. During the day, her being away doesn't feel any different, but at bedtime the kids did miss her some. The hard part for me I didn't realize until later, until Monday morning when I was meant to be getting ready for work and getting the boys ready to go to my parents' house for the day. As the clock ticked past 8:00 without anyone dressed or fed, I realized that over the past five days I'd completely exhausted my ability to make anyone do anything. Including myself. When I let Leah know she very kindly offered to make me breakfast.
Happily, I didn't have a meeting yesterday so there was actually no time pressure. Eventually I did get myself going, fed two of the children and myself (somebody always wants to hold out for breakfast from Grandma), and even made myself a lunch. My arrival time was not disgraceful. Today Leah was back at work and I acquitted myself reasonably well: we did some art, made some bread, read some stories, and played a math game. Of course, my recovery isn't entirely complete—I haven't been able to make myself go to bed yet...
our police visit
Yesterday morning we walked the dog, like we do. As we were coming home at about 9:30 Zion was a little upset, and lagged behind on the sidewalk so he could be by himself. No problem; by the time we got home he was recovered and we were all ready to jump into school work together. Right in the middle of our drawing lesson, though, we were interrupted by a knock on the door. It was a cop!
It turns out someone had seen Zion walking "alone" along Hartwell Road, and when they reached the police detail at the permanent construction site around the corner they stopped to tell the officer there. I don't know what standard procedure is, but in this case whoever was in charge cared enough about it to send someone our way to check it out.
And even better, they figured out the address to look up—I suppose our neighbors on the force offered some information about our alternative schooling arrangements. Once he finally found our house—we don't have a number up any more—the cop was very kind and polite. He described what had happened, and I told him we had all been out for a walk, and he said he figured somebody had just been worried because it was after the start of the school day. Wanting to get things clear, I asked him what he thought of our sending Harvey down the street—the same street in question—to his friend's house by himself, like we do; he said he saw no problem in that at all. As far as I could tell, he was totally fine with the whole situation, and just checking on us to close the report or whatever.
Considering our lifestyle and looking to preclude future difficulties, I told him that we like to encourage our kids towards freedom and responsibility. He was fine with that. Then I invited him to let us know if anything we did ever made anyone important nervous. It could have been much worse, and once again it made me glad to live in a relatively human-friendly place like Bedford. For Eastern Massachusetts, at least, I think we're doing pretty good.
Here's hoping that's all our interaction with the police for the next year, at least!
it's 7:30, do you know where your children are?
As I type these words it is, and I don't. I have a pretty good guess, but since Harvey disappeared soon after we got home this evening and Zion and Lijah headed out a little later, after some decompression time, I've had no solid knowledge of their whereabouts. Which is fine, right? The fact that they took off without worrying about letting me know where they were going surely has something to do with all that we've done to allow and encourage independence over the years.
Why independence? Well, I'm sure it's great that we're helping them become self-actuated problem-solvers who will go on to do great things; also it gets them out of my hair so I can do the dishes. But now they're old enough that I'm starting to consider a different problem: in all that time away from our happy hippy household, are they being too exposed to Bad Influences in the shape of their hooligan friends? Sure, right now it's only Pop Rocks, Pokemon cards, and video games, but can hard drugs be far behind—or even pool?!
I laugh, but of course there's a serious worry beneath my hyperbole. Lots of my life choices are pretty counter-cultural, and there's nothing more culture-following than a third-grade boy in public school. So there are moments of mild concern, at least, around things like Flavor-Ice consumption and name-calling. But then I figure that, to be real, independence can't be limited. My role is to tell the boys my own opinions and to try to help them make good choices for themselves—I can't make their choices for them. Luckily, they're good kids so it's not as fraught a process as it may be for other parents. Long may it last; so far I do see some connection between independence and responsibility, so I'm prepared to say, at least, "so far so good".