So we went to Minnesota, and now we're back. Despite the fact that we were only there for approximately 36 hours, and many of those hours were taken up by attending wedding events and doing homework (yes, Leah and I both had to do homework on our vacation; she managed more by hogging her computer the whole time) we did manage to see a bit of the local sights. As it happened, all those sights were contained within the Mall of the Americas. And I'm obliged to report that it can hold any number of sights.
It's cliche to report on the roller coaster in the middle of the mall, even if in fact there are two and they are part of genuine entire amusement park, so I will only say that we managed to make it approximately 3/4 of the way around one of the mall's three floors, which some quick math indicates means we viewed one quarter of the whole mall. That took a couple hours, but in our defense we did look into some stores. Leah and her mom even bought some items. The most interesting thing about the mall, I thought, was that each of its four quarters features a different theme for its architecture and interior design. Aside from it breaking up what would otherwise be an insanity-inducing parade of commerce, I imagine that this design trick also serves to let repeat mall customers find stores again. I really doubt they would be able to, otherwise.
Minnesota may have some other exciting features, but I can conclusively report that none of them are in Saint Paul. Maybe that's why they wanted the mall.
Oh, the title? That refers to Leah's comment--one that was at the forefront of my mind as well, but she got it out first--"we got mauled by the mall." We did.