Prenuptial Paralysis
I had a boyfriend in highschool who took a science final with a hundred-and-three fever, and then came home and needed to breath in a paper bag for half an hour. He passed the exam, but the panic attack was pretty embarassing. Especially since I, his hot highschool girlfriend, was sitting with my hands folded in the same room, watching while his mother hold up a paper bag to inflate, and in that kind of situation i guess you're concerned and compassionate and all because you wouldn't want your boyfriend to die even before the prom pictures are developed, but still, after the fact, it's hard not to kind of loose respect for a grown boy who hyperventilates into a paper bag.
Shallow zen can be so cruel.
I had a wicked bad panic attack last night when i came home from trying on my wedding dress, because WHAT-IF-I-DONT-PICK-THE-RIGHT-VEIL-AND-IM-ONLY-GETTING-MARRIED- ONCE-AND-IF-I-MAKE-THE-WRONG-DECISION-MY-WHOLE-CHILDHOOD- FANTASY-OF-LIFE-BEING-PERFECT-ONCE-YOU-GET-MARRIED-WILL-BE- SHATTERED-AND-ILL-BE-FORCED-TO-DEAL-WITH-THE-FACT-THAT-I-HATE- MY-JOB-BUT-IM-SCARED-TO-GO-TO-GRAD-SCHOOL-BECAUSE-ITS-TOO-MUCH- WORK-AND-I'M-ONLY-IN-MY-20S-ONCE-AND-WHAT-IF-I-SCREW-IT-UP-WHEN- I-FINALLY-FIND-OUT-WHAT-I-WANT-TO-DO-ILL-BE-TOO-OLD-AND-UGLY- AND-FAT-TO-DO-ANYTHING-SUCCESSFULLY!...
And then i just couldn't get enough air into my lungs and instead of thinking "I can't breath, Should i go to the hospital?" I'm thinking, "I look sooooo stupid right now."
I had anouther boyfriend in college who had to be rushed to the hospital straight from an opera rehearsal because he hadn't eaten anything but a poptart that day and he passed out from low blood sugar. I dumped him too.
Amazingly enough, this morning Dan still wanted to give me hugs and pack me lunch, and he didn't say the wedding is off. Good thing he's more zen and less shallow than i am.