What I've been up to
I usually keep it pretty "real" on this blog, but even I, Mrs. talks-to-strangers-about-her-sexual-disfunction, have been a little hesitant about sharing what I'm up to these days. I started a bunch of new household initiatives in January, and I've thought about blogging them but put it off again and again. I don't know, I guess I fear coming off in an unfavorable light. If you knew what I was doing, then you might realize the horrible, terrifying truth about me:
I am not in control of my emotions.
I wake up every morning and say to myself: Today is a good day! Today is a gift! I will not, I will not I WILL NOT yell at my kids today.
Then four or seven or ten hours later, when I've heard the words "I WANT WHAT ZION HAS" for the thousandth time, something within me snaps and I am no longer nice preschool teacher mom, I am guilt-tripping Jewish banshee shouting: "I am READING YOU a STORY - you cannot ASK FOR FOOD while I'm IN THE MIDDLE of DOING SOMETHING ELSE FOR YOU - That is SO RUDE - If you can't figure out how to ACT NICELY to YOUR BROTHER I am going to have to DRIVE YOU TO PRESCHOOL so you can spend some time AWAY FROM US."
Or something similar. Than I feel bad and look for some chocolate to eat.
So at the beginning of January I decided to figure out what I could do to control my life better, in an effort to control my emotions. I started the Fly Lady cleaning system so I could no longer complain "I CLEAN ALL DAY AND WE'RE LIVING IN FILTH!" I read several books on supporting children when they're having psychological difficulties. (Thank you Leanna for this recommendation.) I started doing special playtimes with Harvey so he could feel extra attended to. I started going to bed at 8pm and keeping the computer closed during the day. That hindered my blogging, clearly, but if the house is more peaceful then it's worth it.
Oh, and there's the crazy diet.
Going around the interent is this month-long diet test to determine which foods trigger inflammation. Inflammation, the crazy hippies say, is linked to everything from weight gain to headaches, but I got bated when I heard it could be the cause of mood swings. So I spent two weeks freezing soups for me and normal food for the family, and I started THE PLAN (dun dun dun). I am eating nothing but veggies and chicken as I patiently test normal food, one item per day. So far I can add chickpeas, almonds, goat cheese and chocolate to my diet of chicken salad, but not rye crackers or coffee. I've been at this for a week. It's slooooooow going, and I still don't know about bread, eggs, and milk, which may be grounds for divorce if Dan thinks I'll avoid them in the future. But if it meant I could stop yelling at my kids? I'd do anything, ANYTHING. I'd live on carrot soup.
Meanwhile, I've been blowing up less often. I'm not the perfect patient person I want to be, but I'm not drowning in anger either. I enjoy my children a lot, but I'd like it to be more of the time. The job is so impossibly important. It's like they're little travelers from another planet. They're constantly looking at me and wondering: How do people act here on Earth? How can I fit in and do the right thing?
junior space man
I hope I will answer well with my actions. Be nice. Be patient. Listen before talking. Smile and see what happens next.
ready to take off
I hope what happens next will be good.