the squibix family blog

And the pap-smear was fun too!

I had a Dr's appointment today, and i came out with a clean bill of health! The first thing my doctor asked me about was whether i was planning for conceiving any children soon, you know, now that i'm married, and she told me all about how to prepare my body, you know, just incase i start to think about it. All in all the conversation was kind of nice, since i do often worry about my aging fertility, and having someone confidently speak to me about my reproductive future is reassuring, as opposed to my mother whose head explodes every time she catches me look in the direction of a baby. "YOU CAN'T GET PREGNANT YET!!!!!"

Right now, pregnancy is something i worry about a lot, but not in the same way i did when i was in college! I worry that my MBA will take anouther three years, that i'll need to start a job straight out of grad-school, that i'll want to work on my career for a while, and that i'll put off having children until i'm well past 30. Even though this seems to be the norm these days, i cringe at the idea that i'll be 45 with a teenager. Obviously i don't want to have a baby tomorrow, but the next five years loom with lack of precision like a cyclone over Kansas.

This morning at the gym i watched a Buffy episode in which Anya, suddenly faced with her own mortality, said, "I'm dying Xander! I may have only 50 more years to live!" When i think of the span of my entire life, it certainly seems like long enough to do anything. It's the time before 30 that i worry about. What if i can't fit it all in? What if our baby needs help from Dr. Expensive Implantation? True, many of my friends don't have husbands and houses, but they're already in grad-school full time or finished with it or way farther along in their careers than serial shop girl. How come all the time i spent in school getting straight A's never actually prepared me for actual living?

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