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Fat bottom girls will be riding today

Because global warming has made all of us doomed-to-fiery-extinction humans extra cheery this week, i went for a bike ride today. Unfortunately, riding on the local bike path in this armageddonly good weather was like trying to bike through the mother f-ing mall after Thanksgiving. It was packed, with biking, walking and skating resolutionists crowding the path with their huge expanses of lard butts... If i had affixed a sign to the front of my bike reading "OUT OF THE WAY FATASSES!" there would have been no one unfairly instructed. Soon they're going to need to expand that bike path to fit the horizontal yardage of those waddlers. Hey, i have an idea: if you're so fat that a legitimately exercizing person cannot even pass you on a bike because you take up the WHOLE GODDAMN PATH, why don't you waddle on down to the clinic and get a f-ing gastric bypass surgery already. For christ sake.

Dan asked me recently why i hate fat people so much, and i don't have a good answer. Perhaps, like wolves, they provide the embodiment of all our common anger and fear. Or perhaps it's because they also embody ALL THE LEFTOVER SPACE ON OUR PUBLIC COMMONS.

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