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zion is one

This time last year I was staring into the serious looking face of an out-of-breath midwife. She was saying, "Do you want to squat down on the bathroom floor and have your baby? Or do you think you can make it to the bedroom?" Five excruciating minutes later, Zion was born.

It's hard to believe that was a whole year ago. How could it be a whole year ago, when he's still so much a baby? when they're both such babies? When they both cry and whine and need something from me every single second just like newborn babies?

I still have many days (today included) that feel like total unmitigated disasters. When I say to myself, isn't this supposed to get easier? Aren't I supposed to get more sleep? To have more energy? Today I revoked all McDonalds privileges due to fighting, only to determine that meant we just couldn't eat INSIDE the restaurant. I needed their fast food coma time to clean the living room.

I call Dan at work for comfort and he says, "Put. on. a. show. A MOVIE. Totoro is an hour and twenty minutes."

I'm sorry, I've been feeling a little down today on account of being sick and spending all morning in the rain with a constipated chicken. Now Zion is napping and Harvey is singing a little song to his leggos and they are both the most beautiful creatures in the world. They deserve a whole chain of McDonalds. A piece!

I have wanted to write something about how I don't feel compelled to give Zion a big birthday send up, because every day is his. Every day is Zion's day, every day he gets his mama, for love, for food, for sleeping and playing and being with 24/7.

Yet today I feel that this is true and also untrue... Zion gets his mama but so does Harvey and so do Rascal and the chickens and Dan gets a tiny slice that should be bigger. Sometimes my presence is the best gift I can give Zion, and sometimes he might be better off if I took a quiet break in a dark room. At any rate, we all have each other. Whether we're eating french fries in a restaurant or I'm making them squat in the sandbox while I stick my finger up a chicken's butt, whether we're singing Happy Birthday or I'm screaming "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO STAY OFF THE DISHWASHER" we've got each other, every single day, and it feels longer than a year, it feels like forever... In a good way.

Happy birthday Zion. I'll give you your present when you wake up to a clean living room.


Happy Birthday Zion!!!!

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