These past two weeks have been as difficult as any since Zion was born. Yesterday was probably the worst day ever, worse than the day Dan went back to work when I had a 22-month-old and a 6-day old and Harvey ate 80% of an edible arrangement of fruit and then pooped non-stop with me running up and down the stairs trying not to rip my stitches. That day was bad, but yesterday was worse. At one point yesterday I actually shouted:
"It's a fucking show! What's the matter with you two that you can't stop screaming and fighting during a four-minute fucking show!!??"
Yeah, I haven't slept in a long long time.
I don't want to write a long thing about Zion's sleep problems or Harvey's anxiety dash willful testing me problems. I just want to write a short thing to say I'm canceling my plans for awesome December blogging and crafting tutorials. I'm sorry for letting you all down, but I'm sure you understand.
I've been reading a book on Playful Parenting which seems helpful, though I often read things on attachment parenting or un-schooling and they make me feel just awful like I totally have to do more better with greater enthusiasm. Then I try for one day and when Dan gets home I have to go lie down in the bed because I'm so exhausted, and I realize they're probably written for an audience of people who don't already spend six to eight hours a day sitting on the floor playing with their children. Maybe I don't need a parenting book as much as I need an hour away from my children here and there.
Or maybe the boys will just spontaneously like sharing. Anything is possible.
In all this the advent calendar has been a ray of light and togetherness in our mornings, so I'm very grateful that I finished that before December came in terror, even as I struggle to re-evaluate my gift production goals for the next 13 days.
So anyway, if I don't rap-at-ch'all before then, have a very blessed Advent and and even better Christmas!