posts tagged with 'marriage'
Besides living in the same house, Leah and I also work in the same building—those few hours a week that I work, that is. Originally the thought was that we could go in together and have lunch together and generally spend some time in the same space without the kids around. Almost like a date! But circumstances change, and now even though we're both working Mondays we tend to see each other as little at the workplace as we do at home. But never say never! Today I walked out to my car to head out to lunch-time meeting (for homeschool co-op organization!) at exactly the right time to catch her as she drove in from her own morning meeting. We had a good 45 seconds of solid interpersonal time right there!
(Also we got to hang out for like an hour after the kids went to bed. Don't worry, it's totally fine!)
Since I'm technically a minister, it was only natural when one of the few unmarried couples among our friends asked if I could be the celebrant at their wedding. And since they asked more than a year ago, I said yes. The wedding was this past weekend.
The bride's family has a lavish farm estate in New Hampshire, so conveniently they didn't have to rent a place to hold the festivities.
The ceremony itself was on an island, one which is also an Episcopal Church. What a fine idea that is! There was plenty of room for the wedding party to stand around while we waited for things to get started.
Of course, the best part of an island wedding is the boat trip. There were pontoon boats to get us all out there the day of the ceremony, but for the rehearsal the day before I got to ride on one of the family's two Chris-Craft runabouts. Naturally for the wedding they were reserved for more important passengers!
The weather was beautiful throughout, but as the sun dipped behind the mountains temperatures at the cutting garden cocktail party dipped into the 40s, and we were glad to head into the barn for dinner. Sadly I had imbibed a little too much to give a truly memorable grace, but they let me eat anyways.
Besides the amazing food and interesting company at the rehearsal dinner (and its cocktails and appetizers) and the reception, I also enjoyed an early morning swim—including one trip down the wooden water slide running from the peak of the boathouse—and a delightful four-mile hike on the property. Oh, and a smores party on Friday evening! Of course, being a minister I had to work Sunday, so I missed dessert and dancing Saturday night—to say nothing of the farewell brunch on Sunday. Also, as lovely as it all was I would have enjoyed it ever so much more if my family could have been there with me. We'll have to get ourselves invited up there again one day.
There was only one unalloyed negative: the shoes I needed to buy Thursday evening when I remembered that I don't even own any sneakers without holes, to say nothing of respectable wedding shoes, were supremely uncomfortable. I was bleeding from one heel after just a quarter mile of walking. Thankfully, at a summer farmhouse wedding no one can complain about bare feet!
Congratulations Kyle and Margaret; here's to many years of wedded bliss! I don't know if I'll ever do another marriage, so I hope you enjoy this one.
Today marks the ninth anniversary of the day I became an Archibald. Nine years Leah Archibald, without a middle name. Like the way I made that completely about me? A description of my wedding day? It demonstrates how open and loving I've been feeling lately.
The first week in September is a lovely time to get married, but a crappy time to celebrate your anniversary. At least it's a crappy time if you have kids or happen to be married to a teacher. By the end of August, even though I love my family, I am a little fed up with summer family time. A million times a day, in million-degree heat, we five people of divergent needs and poor communication skills have to decide together whether we're going to the beach and what to bring to eat. By the end of August I don't want to talk anymore to anyone. I want to schedule pizza deliveries to my house three times a day and everyone can eat all they want on the condition they do so in complete silence.
By the end of summer I am no longer the wife of Dan's youth. I am the contentious woman from Proverbs who is like a dripping roof on a rainy day. Drip drip 'I thought it was your turn to clean the kitchen' drip.
Which is why come September 4th we look at each other and think, "Celebrate our marriage? Nah, I'd rather look at shit on the computer." October will be wonderful and full of love but right now we're not celebrating our marriage as much as we are surviving it.
The unfortunate truth is that my relationship with Dan is a mirror of my relationship with God. If I'm performing poorly in one of them you'd better believe the other one is shot.
Sometimes the source is 'unforgiveness,' which is a polite way to describe my complete and utter lack of willingness to let things go when my spouse or the universe doesn't immediately bend to my will. Didn't wash the jam pot when he said he would? Obviously I'm worth no more than a maid to him. Never got the daughter I was praying for? Maybe it's some mysterious mercy or maybe God doesn't give a shit about my prayers.
How do you know? How do you know if your husband just got distracted or if you're terrifyingly alone in the universe?
This is me on my wedding day. I thought I had it all under control. I thought marriage began and ended with ME.
On the morning of our wedding I kicked Dan out of the house. Maybe I wanted to create some momentary fiction that we weren't living together already. Maybe I just wanted to get dressed in private. Either way, I subtly sent the message that my image was more important than our togetherness. Poor Dan had to drive to his parent's house at six in the morning, and since no one was awake yet he sat on the steps and read the paper.
No wonder when I walked down the aisle to him, he didn't whisper "I love you so much" or "I've waited for this forever," He said more truthfully, "You're wearing a lot of makeup!"
It's true. I WAS wearing a lot of makeup.
Impecable makeup. Centerpieces out of Martha Stewart Weddings. It was the most wonderful day of my life because it was the last day I completely controlled.
After that? Every day didn't belong to me, it existed within the context of a relationship. Everything, for better ir for worse, became shared.
In the same way God shares my internal space. Nothing I think or do is free from the question, "is this pissing him off?" When I'm not sure he has my best interests at heart, I also want school to start in my relationship with God so he can maybe go away and ask stuff of better, gooder Christians.
And yet I know that this is life now, and it's never going to reach this level of fake perfect.
Because sugar flowers ain't real, and they'll just give me a toothache now.
So we persevere 9 years in, because this is who we are. Archibalds. Because being married means you never get kicked out of the house again.
On Saturday our friends Becca and Andrew tied the knot in Scottish style.
I asked Dan if he wanted I should make him a kilt for the occasion, but he hemmed and hawed and decided to opt for a plaid tie instead. Still, we matched the theme as best we could, given the small 40-minute Burlington-mall window that we had to compile our outfits.
Can you believe we were only married 4 or 5 years ago? It feels like seven thousand million hundred.
Becca and Andrew are big stuffed animal fans, so I wanted to come up with something cute and stuffed and personalized to accompany our Crate & Barrel gift card. (Hey - buying presents off the registry is for people who have longer than ten minutes to go shopping.) So last weekend when thanks to Mother's day I got two-and-a-half blessed hours to myself, I stitched some very special felt friends for the happy couple.
One says B+A, while the other says their wedding date, 5-15-10.
I packaged them up in a little bunny house, and went way overboard with drawing all the little circles for air-holes. I drew the first row the way I wanted them, and then said, "Oh crap. That's a lot of circles I have to draw now. Oh well. In for a penny, in for a pound."
I'm a big fan of marriage. Ours has worked out pretty spectacular so far. So I wish Becca and Andrew all the happiness that Dan and I have have in our marriage, and for good measure I'll throw in a prayer for a bit more sex. For them I mean. I'm too old and tired and my back hurts.
Yeah for young love!
Cleaning the kitchen this morning, I noticed tell-tale signs of sandwich-making that went on yesterday. "Did you make a sandwich with gouda and relish?" I asked Leah pointedly. She had to admit that, yes, she did: meaning of course that I got to gloat about the fact that she would never have been exposed to either of those foods if I hadn't strongly encouraged (read: forced) her to try them. Since everyone knows that you win marriage by changing the other person more than they change you, that's two points for me!
(Admittedly, the gouda consumption may have been primarily due to the lack of other cheese alternatives. Having tried it at my prompting, Leah now believes the favorite cheese of the Dutch is edible; when it's available, though, I bet she'll still go for good honest American.)
The problem with being all more-alternative-than-thou and not watching tv is, we (or at least I) take up much of the saved time with reading (and even watching) things on the internet. Besides not being much better from a moral or intellectual standpoint, interneting also has the added disadvantage of being a mostly solitary pursuit. So not enough hanging out with my darling Leah. So never mind this post, I'm off to spend some quality time!
Leah and I were slightly celebratory today, in recognition of the successful and happy completion of three years of marriage. Yes, today was our third, or "cloth", anniversary, and according to tradition we made gifts for each other out of that secret ingredient. As Leah pointed out, cloth is not exactly my strong point gift-creation-wise, but I acquitted myself reasonably well with a heart-shaped cuddle pillow featuring an ascii heart (thusly: <3). Of course, it couldn't come close to competing with the pornographic scarf she embroidered and quilted for me, but she appreciates the effort. I hope!
We also went to the pond for a swim. Cause we're romantic that way. Here's to the next three years!